Mindfulness Is Not Relaxation — and Why This Matters

Clarifying what mindfulness meditation actually is, and why how it’s taught matters

In recent years, mindfulness has become increasingly popular in Ireland — in workplaces, schools, therapy rooms, and online spaces. This visibility has brought many benefits. It has also brought confusion.

Because mindfulness meditation is not regulated here, it’s often assumed that all meditation practices are essentially the same — and that their purpose is relaxation or stress relief. While relaxation can occur, this assumption fundamentally misunderstands what mindfulness meditation actually is.

That misunderstanding matters — especially for people who are struggling, vulnerable, or living with the effects of trauma.

Mindfulness Is Not a Relaxation Technique

Mindfulness meditation, particularly as it is taught within the Vipassanā (insight) tradition, is not designed to make you feel calm, peaceful, or relaxed.

It is a practice of intentionally paying attention to present-moment experience with openness and curiosity — whatever that experience happens to be.

This includes:

  • Physical discomfort

  • Restlessness or agitation

  • Difficult emotions

  • Painful memories

  • Boredom, doubt, or resistance

If mindfulness practice sometimes feels uncomfortable, challenging, or unsettling, this does not mean it’s being done incorrectly. In many cases, it means the practice is doing exactly what it is intended to do: helping us meet our experience as it actually is, rather than trying to change it. Ironically, learning to sit with discomfort, instead of reacting to it, can reduce struggle. When resistance softens, the nervous system often follows—making room for ease, relief, and a quieter kind of relaxation.

Why the “Relaxation” Narrative Can Be Harmful

When mindfulness is framed primarily as a way to “calm down” or “switch off,” several problems arise:

  • People may believe they are failing if they don’t feel relaxed

  • Teachers may unintentionally encourage avoidance rather than awareness

  • Difficult experiences may be pathologised instead of understood

  • Participants may feel unprepared for what arises in practice

This is particularly important for individuals with trauma histories, conscious or unconscious, for whom increased awareness can initially bring heightened sensation, emotion, or distress.

Mindfulness is not about controlling experience. It’s about developing the capacity to stay present with it.

Mindfulness and Trauma: Why Training Matters

Research shows that Mindfulness-Based Interventions (MBIs) can be deeply supportive for people living with trauma — when they are taught skillfully and appropriately, and when they are adapted to meet the needs of the participants.

At the same time, it is well recognised that:

  • Mindfulness can initially intensify symptoms for some people

  • Practices need to be adapted and paced carefully

  • Teachers need the capacity to recognise and respond to distress

In clinical and trauma-informed contexts, this is addressed through:

  • Substantial teacher training

  • Ongoing supervision

  • Clear ethical guidelines

  • An understanding of when mindfulness may not be appropriate

Without this foundation, well-intentioned teaching can unintentionally cause harm.

At present:

  • Training standards vary widely

  • Anyone can describe what they offer as “mindfulness”

  • The public often has no clear way to distinguish approaches

This isn’t about blame. It is about clarity, transparency, and informed choice.

Mindfulness Is a Practice of Turning Toward Life — Not Away From It

Mindfulness meditation is not about escaping discomfort or cultivating constant calm.

It is about:

  • Learning to be with experience as it unfolds

  • Developing awareness, discernment, and compassion

  • Increasing our capacity to respond rather than react

When we stop immediately trying to fix, escape, or react to discomfort, something subtle but powerful happens: the struggle around the discomfort loosens. The difficulty may still be there, but the added tension of resistance begins to fade.

Learning to sit with discomfort builds trust in your capacity to handle experience as it unfolds. Over time (and it does take time), this reduces fear of difficult states, which is often what creates the most distress in the first place. Paradoxically, allowing discomfort creates space—and in that space, the nervous system can settle. Relief doesn’t always come from things changing; sometimes it comes from our relationship to what’s already here softening. In that sense, non-reactivity isn’t passivity—it’s a skillful, compassionate form of engagement that can lead to a deeper, more stable kind of relaxation.

This is subtle, powerful work— and it deserves to be taught with care.

A Closing Invitation

If you’re interested in mindfulness, I encourage you to ask questions, learn about different approaches, and choose practices — and teachers — that are transparent about what they offer.

Mindfulness is not a quick-fix for well-being.

It is a way of learning how to be with our lives, warts and all.